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Great parents aren't born; they're made.
But how? Feeling love in your heart for your child is the natural
beginning, but it is only the beginning. To love your baby, your
toddler, your adolescent through all the stages and phases of growing
up requires that you express your love through loving actions--a
lifetime commitment. How you treat your child each and every moment
does matter.
From Judy Ford's book, "Wonderful Ways to Love a Child" come
these important instructions on how to
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"Handle With Care"
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When a package arrived in the mail marked
"handle with care", no one would consider throwing it around
carelessly. No one would ignore it, regard it as a nuisance or be
annoyed with it. The package would be opened slowly tenderly, because
it is fragile. Loving attention would be given. Perhaps if we think of
children as precious little bundles sent special delivery directly from
the heavens, we might be more patient with their troublesome behaviors.
Our children do many things that frazzle our nerves and
push our buttons, but remembering that their hearts are delicate might
help us be more sensitive. It is possible to devastate children's
spirits with harsh words, or by ignoring them, or brushing them off. So
instead of threatening, "If you don't stop it this minute, I'll really
give you something to cry about," or asking the ridiculous, "Do you
want a spanking?" try stopping for a moment to ask yourself, Why am I
overreacting?
There is a big difference between acting and reacting,
and as a parent it is important to learn the distinction. This requires
thought, practice, and a lot of deep breathing. When Tommy broke his
mother's favorite vase after she had asked him repeatedly to stop
throwing the ball in the house, for a moment she thought she would come
unglued. She didn't react; instead she counted to a thousand and waited
to see what would happen. She told me she learned a lot that day: Tommy
had to focus on his own misbehavior instead of dealing with her
hysterical reaction. He quietly picked up the broken vase and brought
it to her, and she could see that he had learned a painful lesson. They
talked about what had happened, and he promised never to throw the ball
in the house again. And he didn't.
When you find yourself coming down hard on your child,
or when your reaction is out of proportion, take a long deep breath,
count to ten or ten thousand, and ask yourself, "What is going on with
me, right now?" or "Why am I feeling this way?? Breathe, breathe,
breathe, and think before you act, so that once again you can feel the
extraordinary sweetness of your child. Nothing is more important than
handling their bodies and souls with tender loving care. |
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"Allow Them to Love Themselves" |
A little person who loves himself grows up to be a
responsible adult, able to live life fully. High self-esteem is the
best foundation for your children's future. Experts in child
development tell us that when children have high self-esteem, they are
able to learn and function better in school, they have friends, they
feel connected with others, and they know they belong. They are
competent, can make meaningful decisions, and are willing to try. They
are optimistic, curious, and enjoy life. Loving oneself develops true
character that cannot be swayed by such things as peer pressure or the
countless outside influences your child will surely face.
Helping your children accept themselves just as they
are is what unconditional love is all about. So above all else, don't
base your love on what they do, but simply on the fact that they exist.
When Garret asked his dad, "What do you like about me?" his father
answered, "You!"
"What about me?" asked Garret.
"What I like about you, Garret, is that you are you. I
like you."....When a little person finds herself through the miracle of
self-acceptance, her life becomes a self-fulfilling journey; suddenly
she's powerful enough to bravely cope with all the challenges and the
ups and downs that life will bring, The bonus is, as she learns to be
compassionate toward herself, love for others is sure to follow.
Passage excerpted from WONDERFUL WAYS TO
LOVE A CHILD by Judy Ford with permission of Conari Press, an imprint
of Red Wheel/Weiser. To order WONDERFUL WAYS TO LOVE A CHILD either
call 1-800-423-7087 or visit the Conari website at
www.conari.com
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